What a Morning

So this morning I was getting ready to ride to work. Dark gray cold and wet. Pretty normal for this time of year and to be expected to be around for a while. It will be fun to ride in the rain and cold for awhile but I can see it getting old fast. Mostly because it will be cold and wet. Under normal circumstances one would have all the gear that is needed to ride and not be uncomfortable. However I sit in a position of wanting or needing to care for my family first and foremost. So I choose to put them first, above my comfort. I will always put them first.

I would like very much to get a nice pair of pants that would keep my ass dry. However everything is so damn much money. It would be nice if my car would sell, or I would get paid for the forklift deal. But because of the people involved, I have been moved to the side and told not to worry about it. So I sit around waiting for something to happen. If the car sold or some money from the lift showed up, I would take some of it and get some kind of rain pants, or something along those lines. I would also go and buy some more food so that my freezer has some steaks in it. I think that I would buy the food first and make sure that my family can eat and stay dry before I worry about what I want.

It is a funny thing needs and wants. If you want more money it can fill that want, but if you need more money, there will never be enough. Which make me think about what we have been taught through the years. We as people are told that needs out weigh wants. But I sit here and wonder if that is true. If I need a light or a pair of pants, and I go and buy them, is this need filled? Or do I want that light or a pair of pants, so if I go and buy it, is that want filled. I am just not sure. That makes me wonder about my very bad habit that I have. I chew, so do I need to quit or do I want to quit. Which one is it? As I sit here and write this one out I am feeling that needs and wants, are one in the same and that we choose which word that we want to use based on it level of importance to us.

So this brings me back to the beginning. I would like some rain pants. If I state that I need them, the level of importance is higher then wanting them. however I don't need them, I have pants for riding in, so I would just want them. But even now I am not sure that I want them, I would just like to have them. So I guess that the rain pants are at the bottom of the list. What I really want or need is to be able to take care of my family, and provide them with a roof, and clothes, and food. I want to do this, so I personally feel that what I want is more important then what I need. Most would say that I need to take care of them. I feel that if I needed to take care of them, it will cause problems. The reason that I say this is because we have all had that feeling of resentment because we have been told that this or that job needed to get done. But if it was a job that we wanted to do. we would do it with pride, joy, and love.

So I think that needing to do something, or needing something is not very important, but wanting something or wanting to do something is way more important. I want to care for my family, because I choose to. And that is the real gift of being a me.